If Rutgers Football Were A Chick.

If Rutgers were a "Nappy Headed Hoe" She
might look like this girl.

If Rutgers Football were a Chick: She'd be a  "Nappy Headed Hoe".   Wait, that's not right.   I didn't mean that, I appologize for that right there.   It was a Don Imus reference, and I just couldn't resist.   I honestly don't know much about Big East Football but I'll give it a real try.  Rutgers is one of the only original football schools of the Big East Still Remaining in the quickly desolving Big East football conference.

If Rutgers Football were chick: She'd be that girl at the house party that doesn't leave.  It isn't that she is ugly and you want to kick her out, but she isn't hot enough for you to want to invite her back to your room while there are still party goers within eye site.   Once the hour glass ticks along she starts to look better and you start a little kissy wissy, and then you can't git rid of her - like one of those sticky bush things you pick up while taking a walk in the woods during the fall. 

The Paul Rhoads Look A Like Keys To The Game

First off grab a beer people that's what we do in Iowa.   The Pinstripe Bowl is going to be played at Yankee Stadium on Dec. 30th @ 2:30 pm Central.

Record: Iowa State: 6-6 Rutgers:8-4
Common opponent: UConn. 
Iowa State: At East Hartford, CT 24-20 W
Rutgers: At East Hartford, CT 40-22 L

Offense:  Rutgers although 8-4 the offense has been as up and down as much as the stock market in the last couple years.   Rutgers has been playing a he loves me and he loves me not game with their quarterback situation and it has affected team chemistry.   Chas Dodd started the season but then replaced by Gary Nova, then after a few weeks Dodd came back only to be pulled in the last game against U-Conn.  It still hasn't been determined who will start the bowl game for Rutgers.

Iowa State has a very balanced attack this is one of their keys to success.   Good running game with James White leading the way for Iowa State although we have many other capable runners and you can't fall asleep on the ISU ground attack. Darius Reynolds has lead the Iowa State receiving core.  Iowa State spreads the ball around and they will get many contributors involved in the game plan.   Advantage ISU.

Defense:  Rutgers has been as stiff as a chop stick against Big Opponents.  That is proabably not fair they have been very good.   This is the strength of their team in all defensive categories,  they get the edge.   

Iowa State Defense has had a very strong Line Backing core however the dynamic duo has not been healthy throughout the seaon.   AJ Klein and Jake Knott are likely to have a great game.   Leonard Johnson is the shut down corner and he will be matched up against Rutgers Mahomed Sanu, the Scarlet Knights most dangerous offensive weapon (and really only offensive weapon).  Advantage Rutgers

Special Teams: Rutgers has been very good and Iowa State pretty average.  If it comes down to a kicking battle Big advantage to Rutgers.  Advantage: Rutgers

Turnovers:  Rutgers gets a big advantage.   Rutgers has focused on creating turnovers and it has been the key to many of their wins.   Iowa State has not been good in this category.  If Iowa State turns over the ball 3 or more times this might be a game that I erase from the TIVO as soon as the fourth quarter.  Advanatage: Rutgers (This could be the only key to the game)

X Factor: Rutgers is very low in this category with a lot of uncertainty in the QB category.   Iowa State has played from behind and has come up big in the fourth quarter for most of their wins this year.  You can't count Iowa State out no matter what the score is at the end of the half.   Rutgers lost their last game of the year against U Conn a team Iowa State beat early in the year, and they pulled their quarterback during that game.   It appears Rutgers has hit a plateau and trending down while Iowa State has gotten better throughout the year.   As for injuries and having time to get players healthy - Iowa State should benefit nicely from the time off.  Finally, if Iowa State gets out of the blocks early and plays even or with a lead at half, advantage Iowa State.   If they start slow like they have many other games this year.  It won't mean they are out of it.   It just means that you can only play from behind and bet against the casino so many times before you end on the wrong end of the scoreboard.  Advantage: Iowa State

It looks to be a close game.  As an Iowa State Homer - I pick Iowa State.

Paul Rhoads Gets a Major Award.

Paul Rhoads signs a 10 year $20 Million dollar deal.   This puts Rhoads in the 1% club.   This all after it was reported that Pittsburgh was looking for a new coach, where Rhoads spent 8 years as the defensive coordinator.   This is good news for Iowa State fans after loosing offensive coordinator Tom Herman to Ohio State.   Iowa State lost Earle Bruce to Ohio State in 1979.   Congratulations to Paul Rhoads, this should keep him happy for at least a few years.   This doesn't make Rhoads the top earner in the State of Iowa, but it does make him a strong second.   I'm glad we signed Rhoads, but these contracts are somewhat of a joke.   They aren't really contracts, they are more like loosely held handshakes. 

1 Adam 12 Police Blotter: Jerry Sandusky

If an older woman chasing a younger guy is called a cougar, what do you call an older guy chasing a younger boy?

A Nittany Lion…

From Penn State to The State Penn.

I heard Sandusky is writing a book to pay for his legal fees, "The In's And Out's of Child Rearing."

From Penn State to The State Penn.

Sandusky is under house arrest, but he was recently spotted at JC Penny's, He heard that Boys Pants were half off. 

From Penn State to The State Penn.

If you are curious about the 1 Adam 12 Reference you can check out The wikiPETEYah. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adam-12 

ISU Basketball versus Iowa Basketball

The Cross state basketball rivalry is being held in Ames, Iowa this year at Hilton Coleseum at 7:00 pm, tonight.   Currently The Iowa Hawkeyes are 5-4 and the Iowa State Cyclones are 6-3.   Iowa State has chance to sweep the legs and finish the year with a clean sweep.  This would appear to be a very even contest.   All bets are off when these two meet. 

I would like to highlight that the Cyclones won the Football Game this year, and that makes 5 out of the last 10.   Some people might consider that a mini rivalry.   But if you are an Iowa fan you probably consider it a blown preseason opportunity.   If you are an Iowa State fan it is going to be a Merry Christmas when you get together with relatives to carve up the roast beast.

My brother sent me this clip that I think is hilarious.   You have to see this.   It is a clip of two 73 years old former candian football players getting into a fight on stage due to a play that happened 40 years before.   I hope the Iowa and Iowa State Rivalry never comes to this kind of a conclusion.  But, it does represent that passion associated with football, and Iowa State v Iowa games.  You have to view this clip.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tt-atiMHY9A

This is what I love about Football

Just a couple of notable notes: 

First,  Iowa State offensive coordinator Tom Herman is leaving the Cyclones football program to become quarterbacks coach for Ohio State, under Urban Meyer.  I'm not sure how anyone considers that a promotion.   But, I guess he will get more attention at Ohio State, however I believe the Cyclones are getting more airtime on ESPN College Game Day than they ever did under Dan McCarney.  

Secondly, Former Iowa State Basketball coachGreg McDermott's Creighton Bluejay's are currently ranked 19 in the College Basketball AP poll and 17 in the ESPN Basketball Rankings.  McDermott's Bluejays sporting a 7-0 record have downed both The Iowa Hawkeyes and The Nebraska Cornhuskers.   Boy is that guy an awesome mid-major coach!  It is amazing the difference in mentality between a Mid-Major player (tell me what to do coach) and a big time conference player (Hey old dude, I need the rock).   It is a long season, but we'll keep our eye on Creighton.

Thirdly, Kansas Football hires Charlie Weis.  The longtime NFL assistant is wrapping up his first season as offensive coordinator at Florida after spending one season directing the Kansas City Chiefs' offense. But his most extensive college experience came with the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame, where he went 35-27 in five seasons.  This will just add to the high flying offense reputation I believe the Big XII is becoming known for. Next prediction: He stays just about as long at Kansas as he did at Notre Dame.

Which Way to Kansas?

 

Sports Talk with The Commissioner II

Dan from Des Moines, "Your on the line - go ahead caller."  

"Yea Commissioner What do you think about Alabama being ranked #2 in the nation? "Commissioner, "Wrong - Alabama is the best team in the country.   If they had a kicking game they would have beat LSU and be on top of the rankings.  They will get another shot to prove they are the better team and Alabama will prevail.  There isn't another team in the nation that can play defense like they do other than LSU.   Sure, Houston is undefeated - but they don't play the same level of talent." Click

Commissioner, "We have Christpher from Ankeny on the line - Go ahead Caller.  Christopher from Ankeny, "Which conference do you believe is stronger The Big Ten or The Big XII?"  Commissioner, "Wrong!  I appreciate your 'heart on' for the Big X there Chrissy, but The Big Ten is now considered the scandal league.  Sure the Big Ten is a grind 'em up beat 'em up defense football league.   While The Big XII is quickly becoming the high flying you have to score 50 or more to win football league.   But, neither have as much panache as the SEC.  The SEC currently gets as much public attention as your boy crush Justin Bieber - Baby.  So, crawl back into your little world of The Big Ten, and call me again when you have a real question."  Click

Commissioner, "We have Terri from Ames on the line - Go ahead Caller." 

Terri, "Commissioner, how do you think the Iowa State Women's basketball team will do this year, Woo Hoo - Go Cyclones?"

Commissioner, "Wrong, Wrong, Wrong - What in the Sam Hill is wrong with you?  The only female atheletics the Commissioner follows are: Iowa State Cheerleading, Swimsuit modeling, and Playboy posing.  I believe all three of those are going to have a great year."  Click

Iowa State plays in the Pinstripe Bowl taking on Rutgers at 2:30 at Yankee Stadium.   I think there is going to be some heavy weather in New York at the end of the year. 

Iowa State Weather Alert

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpZ5PI4_gC0

If Kansas State Were A Chick.

Kansas State: Stamp Tramp, alson known as an attention whore, she probably has a dog or some kind of pet to make up for the void she had from daddy who didn't pay attention while she was growing up.  She never got much attention when she was in high school, until she developed a figure.   By then she had all kinds of issues including eating and tanning disorders.   Good News:  She’ll do anything you ask her to do in the bedroom and probably more but you’re too afraid to ask.   The Bad News:  She is going to end up looking as wrinkled and tasty as a 3 day old hot dog at The Quickie Mart, and you’ll end up taking the monthly Cosmo Quiz, just to validate her feels and ensure your relationship is on solid ground.

 Urban Meyer who won 2 national championships at Florida accepts the Head Coaching position at Ohio State.   Meyer sat out of college coaching for one year when he took an ESPN Analyst role which lasted a total of 10 months.

“I made this clear to Jeremy Foley (Florida Athletic Director), if I am able to go coach, I want to coach at one place, the University of Florida. It would be a travesty, it would be ridiculous to all of a sudden come back and get the feeling back, get the health back, feel good again and then all of a sudden go throw some other colors on my shirt and go coach? I don’t want to do that. I have too much love for this University and these players and for what we’ve built.” —Urban Meyer, after resigning at UF the first time.

“The decision to step down was a difficult one. But, after spending more than two decades motivating and celebrating the young men I’ve been so proud to coach, I relish the opportunity to cheer for my three terrific kids as they compete in their own respective sports. I know how fortunate I am to be in a position to make this choice and to have a family that is as loving and supportive as my amazing wife and children have always been. My family has shared both the commitment and the sacrifice required to coach at this level for so long and I would not have enjoyed the success I have had without their support.” — Urban Meyer retiring from Florida the second time.

Meyer coached Bowling Green State for two years and had a solid quarterback in Josh Harris. He left right before his senior season for Utah. When he coached at Utah he had Alex Smith (Current Quarterback for San Fransico 49ers) at quarterback and in 2004 he left when Smith became the No.1 pick in the NFL draft.

When he took over the Florida Gators in 2005 he had Chris Leak as the quarterback and then Tim Tebow (Heisman Trophy Winner in 2007). Two great college quarterbacks to help lead the way. Tebow graduated in 2009 and Meyer stuck it out for one more year. Once he discovered he couldn't win with John Brantley he realized he needed to spend more time with family and focus on his health.
Suddenly Meyer is healthy.  The kids games don't seem so important, now that Ohio State is offering $4 Million a year for Six years.  That makes him in the top 5 of top paid college coaches.  His $4 Million salary will likely push him in the $5 Million with incentives. 

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1x5TvuvHTtE&feature=related

Cyclone Weather Alert

If Oklahoma Football Were A Chick/Nobel "Pete" Prize.

The Nobel "Pete" Prize

It was an upset weekend:
#18 USC over #4 Oregon.
No. Carolina State 37 over # 7 Clemson 13.
#22 Baylor 45 over # 5 Oklahoma 38.
#18 Michigan 45 over # 16 Nebraska 17.
UAB 34 over #20 Southern Miss 31.
Virginia 14 over #25 Florida State 13. 
But most impressive  of all the games:
Iowa State 37 over #2 Oklahoma State 31.  Overall 7 of the Top 25 Teams experienced an upset.  How is that for a fun weekend of College Football.


This Week's Nobel "Pete" Prize Goes to: Paul Rhoads, Iowa State's Head Football Coach. Up until Friday Iowa State was 0-56-2 against Top 6 Ranked Teams.  I don't know the speed of time or what it sounds like if a tree falls in the woods, but I do know that is longer than Father Times' beard (a really long time). As I have said, Paul Rhoads has proven he can win on the road, he has proven he can pull an upset, and he has proven he is man enough to shed a tear in front of the college football nation. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKCx_XyN9g4

Just Released: New Recruiting Video!

Oklahoma: Is a trophy wife.  She is naturally beautiful and doesn’t have to work at it.  She works out a lot, looks especially good in yoga pants, and doesn’t eat meat (including all kinds of wieners).  Her assets are in all the right places.  The Good News is: she uninhibited, nicely groomed, and Shocker not afraid to stand out in crowd.  The Bad News: you’ll be at home watching the token offspring while she is off working the bar room at the latest upscale urban sheik restaurant when she hits her mid life crisis.



The Only Thing About Oklahoma Not Over Rated



Oklahoma State Is A Trust Fund Baby.

Oklahoma State:  Is A Trust Fund Baby.   Oh she can look good and most likely did when you hooked up with her, your friends told you so and it built your ego so much that you went for it even though that little voice told you not to.   The Good News: is you don’t have to worry about money for the rest of your life.  She is loaded in everyway.  Everything has been taken care of by Uncle T. Boone Pickens including her enhanced boobs and botox.   The Bad News is: her weight fluctuates as much as the stock market and she tends to be horniest when she is heaviest and vice versa.  Worst off you have to smile and nod amuzingly at all of T. Boone's stories, during holiday get togethers for the rest of your life.

Good Bye to Missouri



Missouri is to Ginger

Missouri has announced they are moving to the SEC Conference beginning next year.   The Big XII conference does not have a penalty for ditching your brothers and jumping at the next hot thing that comes along like the Big East Conference currently has in place.   All of this news has gotten lost in the shuffle with the horrific scandal that is taking place at Penn State.  Missouri in my opinion is Ginger from Gilligan's Island.   Yes she can be attractive, however she has a Hollywood Ego and expects her fans and followers to bow down and treat her as such.   Sure Missouri has a nice figure and looks good, even though I'm Irish I never really cared for red heads.  Yes red heads are a prefered taste, - just like Missouri. 




As West Virginia is to Mary Ann

 

West Virginia is certainly more Country than it is Rock and Roll, but then again so is most, if not all of the Big XII.   West Virginia is in the Big XII once they can navigate the divorice litigations from the Big East.  West Virginia looks good on paper from a rankings standpoint.  However, West Virginia doesn't bring the large immediate television audience, but she'll grow on you just like Mary Ann seems to.   And long term who would you rather be hooked up with, drama ridden Hollywood or a hard working stable attractive Midwest girl, like the rest of the Big XII?

Iowa State has three games to go.   Everything else has been a warm up to this stretch of the schedule.   First, Oklahoma State Ranked #2 @ home.   (Friday night game that is being televised on ESPN at 7:00).   Then off to Oklahoma #5, and finally we close out with Kansas State #13 (moved up one spot this week) that we have been hoping was some sort of fluke - but looks awfully good. The Kansas State Game is in Manhattan - not "The New York City" picante sauce.

We are into a tough stretch and on the brink of a bowl game.   Currently Iowa State is 5-4.  We need ONE more win to become bowl eligible.   So, now is the time to pray to God, Allah, Buddha, and Yahwey.   Personally I'm going to pray to "The Tiny Infant Baby" Jesus that Iowa State pull off one more win so that we are sponsored by Tostitoes in a bowl game this Holiday Season.



Sickened and Disgusted.

What Can I Say???

Joe Paterno is out after 46 years as Head Coach of the Penn State Nitanny Lions.  46 years is longer than I have been alive.   He has had a long an upstanding legacy up until the last week.  This one really sickens me and disgusts me.   I just can't even try to joke about this one.   It makes me want to say, "really did you let all of that happen, Grandpa?"  In some ways there are many in the College Football community that look up to Joe Pa as a Father and a Grandfather figure.   I guess in some ways we all kind of knew the departure of Joe Paterno wasn't going to end with a pretty little bow on the package.


Missouri formerly announced that they are leaving the Big XII for greener pastures.   I say, "Fine, Good, Who needs ya."  Good luck next I believe you will have similar results that Colorado has had this year.   They currently have one win in the positive column.  This headline conveniently just pushed under the rug with Penn State making headlines nationally.   I've attached a clip that sums up my thoughts.

Iowa State wins over Kansas: That makes Iowa States record 5 Wins 4 Loses.   One more win and Iowa State is bowl eligible.   I've attached a clip on what I think the odds are for Iowa State making a bowl game.   Iowa State has three more chances for a win this season.   However they are probably the three toughest opponents that we will have to face all year.   First up, Oklahoma State ranked #2 in the nation, then off to Norman, OK to face the Oklahoma Sooners who are currently ranked #6 in the nation.   Then Iowa State travels to Manhattan, KS to take on the Kansas State Wildcats.   Not the easiest way to finish up a football season.  If by chance Iowa State pulls out another win, I'll be doing a little dance.   Sure, it will be as white as Tom Sawyer's fence.   But, I'll throw in some epileptic hand gestures and some timely hip thrusts for artistic flair. 

If Kansas Football were a chick.

Kansas is an A Cup Cutie.  

She doesn’t care much for football but she’ll let you watch as much as you want. During basketball season her bust grows 2-3 cup sizes. The Good News is: she loves to watch Sports Center with you every night at bed time. The Bad News is she is usually tired after Sports Center and wouldn’t think of letting you dribble your balls in her front court or her back court. Then in the spring, she pulls off the winter push up bra and returns to “that cute chick with the hot friends”.

Iowa State is coming off one of its best wins in the past 5-10 years. Pounding Texas Tech 41-7, and Tech never appeared to be in this game. The Iowa State defense missed 3 tackles all game accounting for an additional 27 yards. Yes, the Iowa State defense played an outstanding game against a Texas Tech offense that is known for being able to put up points.

Kansas coin toss came up tails against Texas and they carried their tail between their legs for most of the game. Texas was heads and tails above Kansas with a 43-0 shutout. Kansas currently has the 120th ranked defense out of 120. They average giving up 555.8 yards and 49.5 points per game. It kind of makes me feel sorry for former Nebraska standout and Kansas head coach Turner Gil.

Iowa State is crossing into uncharted waters, the Cyclones are a two touchdown favorite for the 11:30 kickoff. The Commish is calling for a win on Saturday, barring any crazy unforseen 4-5 turnover games, which has happened. Iowa State is improving, but they just don't lend themselves to giving me the confidence to outright call this shot over the left field bleachers.

Game of the Year: LSU versus Alabama.

This game has had as much build up as the topic of Sex in my high school health class.   Let's hope it delivers.   Sometimes these hyped games tend to come off a little premature and lopsided.   This has been hyped as the National Championship.   Number One versus Number Two.   These two teams are out of the SEC and the last 5 National Champions have come from the SEC.   So, ladle up a bowl of gumbo.  This is only the 11th time #1 and #2 match up in November or December since 1950.  Average Margin of victory is 4.27 points.   3 games were a 1 point margin and add 3 more game that were 4 points or less.  I expect this game to be a very tight game hinging on one or two turnovers or a big play that swings the momentum.

This just in:   Headline from the USA Today - Deer Car Collisions increase in the Fall.   Who knew?

A little out of my normal realm: Kim Kardashian and Chris Humphries divorce after 72 days.  And, I thought those crazy kids were really going to make it work.   At least we have our 21st Century Elizabeth Taylor.   Let's see if Kimmy can try and up Elizabeth's 8 marriages.  72 days is the equivalent of a high school relationship.   I guess this means Chris Humphries no longer gets to sit at the cool kids table.

Take Me Home Country Rhoads.

Time to Celebrate a Big Win in Texas

ISU Wins in Lubbock 41-7.  This is the largest win over a ranked team in the Iowa State Football History.   Texas Tech was ranked #19, this last week.   I'm starting to believe Paul Rhoads knows something about defending the Spread Offense that Tech runs.  This is the second straight year in a row that ISU has beaten Texas Tech.   Last year the score was 52-38.  I had mentioned earlier that Rhoads teams are always good for an upset.   Paul Rhoads teams have also demonstrated an ability to win on the road.   Both characteristics of well coached team and program on the rise.   I'll be honest I didn't see this one coming.  Stealing one on the road against Rhoads former boss Tommy Tubberville is a sweet as having my daughter sit on my lap and watch Mickey Mouse videos.


Country Rhoads West Virginia - Mountain Momma!

In other news: The Big XII formerly announced that West Virginia is going to join the Big XII.   I applaud Interim Commissioner Chuck Neinas for being proactive and locking down West Virginia while Missouri is deciding to sign the divorce papers.   The Big XII isn't even listing Missouri as a member of the Big XII for the 2012 season.   This signals that Missouri is all but gone.   Fine, Good, who needs ya.  


West Virginia was the Commish's number two choice for new schools to join the Big XII.   First was BYU.   BYU has a bigger television market.   But, what we lose in tv's we make up for with a solid Football program in WVU.   West Virginia has been consistently in the top 20.


So. what happens if BYU does want to join the Big XII?   And Texas and Oklahoma aren't willing to go to 12 teams to avoid an end of the year Conference Championship game.   Would the Big XII write Iowa State a check to go away.   I can hear you say, "Oh that would never happen."  I'm not so sure.   Crazy things have happened this year, that I didn't think would happen.   Again, the realignment deal is all about televisions and dollars.   Iowa State doesn't bring much to the party in these areas.   But, for now the Big XII looks like it is a stable conference with plenty of football power, and that is good for Iowa State.

If Texas Tech Were a Chick.

Texas Tech is a Woo Hoo Chick.   She loves a good time.   Tech typically travels in pairs, and she loves to follow the crowd.   She often gets talked into to going to new parties with her girl friends long before she is ready to leave the one she is currently attending.  The Good News: Tech loves to party.  She gets really jazzed up when she gets invited to a bowl game party.   She will let you talk her into almost anything during a bowl party, and hardly ever regrets it.   The Bad News:  Tech loves to party.   However, she is often passed out when it is time to get your guns up.

New Segment:  Ask the Paul Rhoads Look A Like: Keys to the Game.


Paul Rhoads Look A Like


Q: What is the key to the game?  I used to work under Tommy Tuberville, Texas Tech Head Coach, while at Auburn.    Texas Tech runs the spread offense that Mike Leach put in place before he was fired.   Currently Texas Tech is averaging 43.4 points per game, which is Play Station type points.   So our game plan is to hold them to less than us and score more than them.  

Q: What does Redshirt Freshman QB look like in practice?   He looks like a Freshman, but who cares, we are 3-4 with 4 straight losses in the conference.   It's not like he could put another gray hair on my head.    

Q: Why is Nebraska rated higher than Wisconsin?   This is the problem with the BCS which is harder to figure out than a bunch of teenage girls.   Wisconsin losses a road game to Michigan State on a last second hail mary pass, and  they end up ranked 15.   Nebraska traveled to Wisconsin earlier in the year and got piss pounded 48-17 and yet Nebraska is ranked 14 which is higher than the team that beat them.   I feel especially bad for Wisconsin, because this is the closest they will get to the National Championship for the next 10 years.  



Favorite Tailgate Pic This Year
Julia, Brian, Austin: Cousins



Q: How do you feel about the announcement that West Virginia is positioned to join the Big XII if Missouri leaves for the SEC?   It is good for the Big XII in terms of talent.   Currently the Big XII has the best football talent top to bottom throughout the conference.   Adding West Virginia doesn't add much in terms of television appeal compared to what we have lost with Nebraska, Colorado, Texas A&M, and most likely Missouri.   But, TCU and West Virginia have been top performing and very talented football programs.  

Commish says, Suck it Realignment:  Colorado is currently 1-7 in the Pac 12, with Zero wins in the conference.   Colorado likely won't win another game this year.   Nebraska, is fairing well in the Big Ten, Eleven, Twelve; does that mean the Big X is soft?   Nebraska has a big test this weekend against Michigan State in Stinkin' Lincoln, NE.   Have fun next year Texas A&M and Missouri.   You have to game plan against all new teams.   While all the other teams have a file with plenty of film with tendencies of conference rivals.  Unfortunately you aren't going to a soft Big X conference where the wins seem a little easier.

If Texas A&M Football Were A Chick?

Texas A&M is a hot chick with all kinds of Daddy issues, AND suffers from Middle child syndrome. Daddy was a Colonel in the army. So, A&M has moved around a lot, and has never quite seemed settled. A&M is an independent thinker with a mind of her own and isn’t afraid to let you know all about it. The Good News: is she looks good, she is freaky loud in bed, and she isn’t afraid to dress up for you on game day. The Bad News: she is never satisfied and is eventually going to play he loves me – he loves me not and make rash decisions she’ll likely regret in the morning.
 

Kyle Field, Texas aTm Football Stadium

The Bad news or the really bad news? Prediction Iowa State gets one more win this year (we should beat Kansas at Jack Trice in two weeks). ISU has 6 games left on the schedule 4 of the games are against top 25 teams including this week against Texas A&M. I was really hoping to make a withdrawal from the Texas aTm this weekend but our funds are overdrawn. Injuries and turnovers are the plague of a shallow team. Shontrelle Johnson is out for the season and it is rumored that Steele Jantz, starting QB has been suffering from a foot injury that he picked up against UConn earlier this year. This is starting to look like that Physics 222 Exam that convinced me it was time to look in a new direction called marketing major (we’ll soon be previewing Iowa State Basketball– stay tuned).

No. 17 Texas aTm (4-2, 2-1) will be extremely problematic for Iowa State on Saturday, averaging 227.7 rushing yards per game, which is good for 16th in the nation. The Cyclones have allowed a 100-yard rusher in four of six games. The past two games, Iowa State has given up 129 rushing yards to Missouri's Henry Josey and 200 to Baylor's Terrance Ganaway. Our run defense is as likely to hold aTm’s rush attack in place as well asTeri from Ames’ Aquanet is able to hold her bushy main.

It gets worse: Iowa State has averaged 24.1 points per game. Opponents: 36.3 points per game. As if we didn’t need one more reason to hate Texas aTm, Mike Sherman the aTm head coach formerly coached the Green Bay Fudge Packers.

I would love to wrap this package up with a pretty little bow, but I just don’t see it making a difference. The one characteristic about Paul Rhoad’s teams is that they play to the end, and they typically come up with an upset somewhere along the way. So, we have that going for us, but I would say bowl eligibility is as likely as the Sports Illustrated Swim Suit addition asking to use my backyard for their next photo-shoot backdrop.

P.S.: 8 Undefeated teams in the BCS rankings: 3 of which are from the Big XII (Iowa State has to face all three yet this year Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, and Kansas State)

Sports Talk with The Commissioner.

Commissioner: We have Dan from Des Moines on the line.   Go ahead caller.

Dan: Commish, did you hear about the merger of the Mountain West Conference and Conference USA?   What are your thoughts?

Commissioner:  WRONG!  Thanks for the call DAN from DEADmoines.   It is time to drop a knowledge bomb, both conferences are being raided by the Big East, Big XII, and ACC.  This is a preemptive  move by both conferences to stay relevant, and in addition to make a bid to become BCS bowl worthy.   The merger makes this Mountain USA a 22 school football conference.  Most likely they are going to be raided and their conference will end up with 16-18 schools.    However, don’t expect the BCS to cough up another bid to the Mount USA.  We’ll see how long this lasts, when college kids are forced to travel over numerous time zones to play football.  Bomb.  Click.

Commissioner:   We have Christopher from Ankeny.  Go ahead caller.

Christopher:  The Big Ten has 5 teams in the Top 25 rankings.   Which conference is stronger Big Ten or the Big XII?

Commissioner:  WRONG!  We haven’t met Chrissy, but you sound like a pretty boy metrosexual that has a man crush on the Big Ten as much as you do for Justin Timberlake.  The Big XII has five teams in the top 25 as well.  The other team in the Big XII that feel out of the rankings this week was: Baylor.  When you have a strong football conference teams have to beat up on each other.  There are only two games that matter this year.   November 5th when LSU travels to Alabama (SEC Conference), and December 3rd when Oklahoma travels to Oklahoma State (Big XII Conference).   The winners of these two game will likely be playing for the national championship.  Sorry Wisconsin, Clemson, Boise State, and Stanford you’re as out of place as that murse (Man Purse) that you use to carry your personal items.   Click.

Commissioner:  We have Tom from Texas on the line.   Go ahead caller.

Tom: Commish, What do you think about all the traditional match ups going down the tubes because of conference realignment?   What about the loss of the Texas A&M and University of Texas yearly match up.

Commissioner:  WRONG!  Texas sent Texas A&M an email this week stating their schedule is full through 2018.  So, Texas and A&M won’t be playing any time soon.   This is the equivalent of breaking up over text message.   They are both acting like little kids.   If I was Commissioner of the Big XII, they would both be put in time out and made to sit on the stairs.  Conference realignment has to do with money and televisions.   That’s it.  I expect schools to vote on providing a stipend for football athletes in the next couple years.   That will be the next step to making the NCAA officially become the minor league for the NFL.  All of the former traditions and rivalries are irrelevant.  TVs and the associated money is all that matters.  New Rivalries will eventually emerge.  Click.   

Commissioner: We have Teri from Ames on the line.  Go ahead caller.

Terri: What time is the Iowa State Game on Saturday?  Woo Hoo, GO Cyclones.

Commissioner:  WRONG!   WRONG!  WRONG!  I don’t have time to answer your blond questions, we have serious issues to consider in college football right now.   First we have this wonderful tool called the Interweb.   The Game Times is 2:30 Which I found by going to www.cyclones.com then go to Schedules, and then click on Football.  That is three clicks, and I doubt your going to get carpal tunnel from three mouse clicks.  No I don’t know what the weather is going to be like, or what they are going to be serving for the pregame meal, or what color of Iowa State headgear goes best with your summer complexion.  CLICK.