I Need a Vaccine for The Bird Flu

So, I'm looking for a Vaccine that works against The Bird Flu, aka Hawk Talk.  It is that time of year when Hawk Fans from all over that stand up and pound their chest and tell us all how great they are.  

Okay okay, yes we have heard that Iowa State hasn't won in the last 5 meetings.   Thanks for reminding us.  You sound like a little toddler that wants to have candy for dinner.   I don't care that you have won the last 5 meetings, no you can't have candy for dinner, instead go drink a fruity craft beer with your pinky extended and act like your are cool. 

Yes, we have heard that our conference (The Big 12)  isn't currently as strong as The Big Ten.   Good for you - you privileged trust fund baby.   Congratulations that you landed in The Big Ten in 1899.   That was incredible foresight and vision to understand how television (didn't exist) and geography would play into the shaping of college sports in the year 2021.   You are awesome.  No really you think you are awesome. 

No turnovers, in the last 5 games between Iowa and Iowa State.   Okay I have to hand it to you for this one Hawk Fan.   This is an incredible stat, and I hate you for it.  Go put on your devil worshiping black costumes, you Godless heathens', it just makes it easier to root against you.  

Of course you will remind us that Iowa is the Hawkeye State.   But, let's review some history you egomaniac self center University of Iowa Fan.  In the early 1830's David Rorer (a judge) was concerned that its regional neighbors would give Iowa an unflattering label.   He thought it better to create its own nickname.   He enlisted James Edwards (a newspaper man) for help. Rorer loved literature and either came up with the nickname from the main character in the novel The Last of The Mohicans or he choose to honor a well-known Iowa Historical figure: Black Hawk, or perhaps both.  This Native American warrior of the Sauk tribe was famous in the Black Hawk War of 1832.  Siding with the British, Black Hawk fought against the U.S. to push Americans settlers away from Sauk territory. Edwards later moved to Burlington, IA and renamed his newspaper The Hawk-Eye.  It is so wonderfully of you Iowa Fan to adopt something that isn't yours or has anything to do with your institution, and rewrite the truth of History.   And the rest of the story, The Hawkeye State has nothing to do with a bird or an institution of higher education, get over yourselves.    Read a book Hawk Fans. 

Yes, I know Hawk Fan thinks Game Day only comes to town when we are playing the Hawkeyes.   I'm aware that you think it is all about you.   Perhaps it could be that it is the best game scheduled this week.   Both teams are ranked Iowa State #10 and Iowa #12 (I know it kills you that we are ranked higher).   It could be that this is high publicized rivalry game.   Or perhaps ESPN just enjoys the tailgating and football environment that The Cyclones have created.   This may surprise you, but it isn't all about you "Hawk Fan".   Get over yourself, you homecoming queen.   It's actually College Ames Day.   Iowa State is the reason that Iowa is even featured on ESPN Ames Day.  Last time ESPN was in Iowa City was in 2006, so you are welcome Hawk Fan.   ESPN has been in Ames 2 out of the past 3 years. 

I guess if I can't get a vaccine.   I'll just have to have a shot. 

Recipe for Muzzled Hawkeye.   Fill glass with any beverage 90 proof or greater, and drink.   Repeat as necessary until Iowa Fan no longer makes sense.  It shouldn't take more than 1 or 2 doses. 

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