The Oprah Edition

Oprah: How are you feeling today? 

Commissioner: I’m feeling thankful, nervous, happy, pissed off, and feeling a little comedic giddy.

Oprah: What are you Thankful for?

Commissioner: I understand that my inspiration is probably one step below the inspiration of your high school principal.  Yet, here is something I never thought I would say, “Thank you Texas aTm.”  Texas A&M a 14 point dog goes on the road to upset Number #1 Alabama in Tuscalousa.    That effectively knocks The SEC out of the National Championship rolls.  Now watch the polls and commentators as they figure out a way to help Alabama, Georgia, or Florida who all have one loss weasel their way into the National Championship Game.   It is unlikely we will have a SEC team in the Championship game.   The SEC needs two of the three undefeated teams to lose to sneak back into the National Championship Game.  To Alabama and The SEC, “I bare my buttocks at you.”

Oprah: What makes you nervous?  

Commissioner: Kansas State, Oregon, and Notre Dame are all undefeated.   Although Kansas State leads the BCS ranking at #1 currently, if Oregon and Notre Dame remain unbeaten they have a larger fan base and a larger television draw.  Which means Kansas State could get jobbed just like Oregon did last year.   I’m pulling for Kansas State because I’m pulling for a Big XII team.   This will be interesting to watch.   But, get ready with the Pooh Potpourri or lavender spice because it could get stinky.

Oprah: Commissioner What makes you happy?

Commissioner: Well first off Auburn is currently 2-7 and 0-7 in the SEC Conference.   Head Coach Gene Chizik is two years removed from a National Championship.  As far as I’m concerned Chizik can suck a big bag of wrinkly old pruned up bundy balls.   

Oprah: What gets you upset? 

Commissioner: Iowa State can’t score more than 7 points against a defense that is stout as a wet napkin.   And Mack Brown may have a chance to keep his job by beating an okay Iowa State team 33-7.  Iowa State seems to get close but just can’t get over the hump.  Iowa State is currently 5-5 with two game to play to make them bowl eligible.  It is time for Iowa State to get back on the exfoliation treatments and clean up the season.

Oprah: What surprises you?

Commissioner: TCU currently 6-4 and 3-4 in the Big XII conference.   TCU has been a perennial Top 20 ranked team over the past decade but, what a difference when you have to face a solid team every single week and they are no weekends when you can coast.   Same for West Virginia 5-4, 2-4 in the Big XII.   WVU was rolling early and Geno Smith looked like a shoe in for the Heisman Trophy.   But, my how things have changed. WVU won their first five game and have lost the last four.   TCU is bowl eligible and WVU has 3 games left to find one more win – I project they become bowl eligible too.  Welcome to the Big XII and the Big Time.

Oprah: What makes you laugh? 

Commissioner: Missouri is 5-5 and 2-5 in their conference with the same record as Iowa State.    Missouri has two games left on the schedule: Syracuse who knocked off undefeated #9 Louisville last weekend and then MU faces #8 Texas A&M the last game of the season.   But, let’s also take a little pot shot at Colorado which makes me laugh even harder they are 1-9, and 1-6 in the PAC 12 conference.   Who cares if you team is a joke when you can toke.   There is only one kind of bowl that matters in Colorado and it is legal year round.   (This just in, I heard Chet Jameson just booked a trip to Colorado)